I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
babies were throwing up all over the place
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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