i just google imaged poop.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
