Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
