So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
