I don't usually arrange sex via text message
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
