my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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