We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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