is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
