There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
