Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
