Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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