My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
