We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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