Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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