my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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