Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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