WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
