grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
