Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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