I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
