she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think i got beer on your cat.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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