i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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