I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
