my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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