The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
