what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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