Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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