I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
