morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
