drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
