You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
