Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
