just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
