I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
