i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
