I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
