get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
