And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
