First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
