I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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