Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
