Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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