Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i would one night stand the shit outta him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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