There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
