guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
