I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
