I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
