if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
