"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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