Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Found your dick twin last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
