I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
