At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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