She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
