You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
